Praying with Christ in our Sinfulness
February 27, 2010As we mentioned last Saturday, weekends are a time devoted to repetition of meditations from the past week. Go back to whichever topic you feel drawn and spend some time with it to see if there are deeper graces the Lord wants to give you through it. The topic this week has been sinfulness—no easy matter. Readers have posted many helpful comments and questions. Here are a few brief points that might help your prayer.
Praying through the topic of sinfulness, many faults arise within our consciousness—areas large or small where we are not living up to the person we think we should be. Growing up as Catholics, our first reflex is to confess our sin and try to do better. This, while a laudable impulse, slightly misses the dynamic of the Exercises. At the heart of the Exercises is the encounter with Christ.
Where does Christ meet us during the “First Week” of the Exercises? Precisely in our sinfulness. He comes to meet us in order, first, to convict us of our sin, and second to forgive and heal us. That is why Jesus is both a just and a merciful judge. In the face of our sinfulness, our temptation might be quickly to confess our sins, and then turn to Jesus for His love. But St. Paul says that while we were sinners Christ loved us. He came to us and loved us, even in the midst of our own rebelliousness. To experience Christ’s love in this state is truly a transformative experience.
By saying that Jesus loves us even in the midst of our sinfulness, are we trying to downgrade the gravity of sin? Absolutely not. As said above, Jesus is still the one who convicts us of sin. But that conviction is charged with love. So the important question to ask during the First Week is “where is Christ convicting me of sin,” not “where am I convicting myself of sin.” The more we make overcoming sin our personal program, the more our Christian discipleship will become a self-regarding project, and thus vain.
So the project of our prayer is to turn our eyes to Christ in order that we might see His Face. There we will receive the truth about ourselves and find grace that will truly transform us and make us free.
Posted by Fr. Kevin Dyer, S.J. in UncategorizedWeekend Reps
February 27, 2010If you are just joining us, the weekend exercises are repeats! Read more about it here.
Posted by Fr. John Brown, S.J. in UncategorizedDeath and Judgment: In Light of Eternity
February 26, 2010 | IX.Grace: to understand clearly the imminence of the day I will stand before God, to gain a greater sense of urgency in renewing my relationship with God, and to realize how permanently my relationship with God can be impacted by what I am currently doing.
Text for Prayer: Revelation 20:11-15.
Reflection: Death is inevitable. It happens to us all, in spite of power or celebrity. The famed general George Patton was at the height of his earthly glory as a World War II hero when he was hit in a car accident and died several days later in December of 1945. A quick look at the obituary section shows that death does not play favorites. Every kind of person is found in the obituaries- young, old, nice, mean, hard-working, lazy- it doesn’t matter. Some died slowly, others suddenly. But they are all there.
Whatever their beliefs, every person will stand before God in judgment. The choices we make in life will be reflected in what happens next. There is a vivid scene in C.S. Lewis’ book The Last Battle where all the creatures of Narnia- those who followed Aslan, those who worshipped Tash, and those who thought that each was a myth- stand one at a time before Aslan. Those who recognize Aslan as the one they have been longing for with the every action of their lives rejoice at being with him, and stand by him in the light. Those who recognize Aslan as the one they have been running from with their actions look on his face with terror, flee into the great shadow he is casting, and are never seen again.
Just claiming to be a Christian and to be a follower of Jesus is not enough. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says that “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.” (Mt. 7: 21)
Jesus further warns that we must be constantly alert. Death and judgment will come unexpectedly. “Two women will be grinding at the mill. One will be taken, and one will be left. Therefore, stay awake! For you do not know at what hour your Lord will come.” (Mt. 24:41-42). There is no explanation why one woman was taken from this life and one was left. Up until the moment it happened, there was no reason why it should. None of us knows when we will die and go before the Lord, so each of us must constantly ask the question: am I ready to die?
We have to look hard at our lives, with God’s help, and ask how God will find us when we die. Do we continually choose to seek God and be with God in our every action? Or do we make a choice, in spite of the grace He has given us and our experience of His love, to run from Him? Have we repented of our choice to run, and asked forgiveness, or confirmed the choice, continuing to stand by it unrepentant?
Questions: One day, you will die, and you will stand before the throne of God. Will you behold His face and flee, or recognize God as the One you long for? If you were to die right now, what would your life say that you are: a disciple of Jesus or of someone else? Have you ever made a choice to reject God? Do you regret that choice, or do you still choose to live as though the choice were right?
Posted by Mr. David Paternostro, S.J. in IX.Our Own Sins: The Sense of Our Own Sinfulness
February 25, 2010 | VIII.Grace: To have a felt sense of how sin ruptures my relationship with the God who made me out of love and for love.
Text for Prayer: Lk. 5:1-8
Reflection: In the Sunday liturgy, we always pray at the beginning of the mass, in the penitential rite, three times, “Lamb of God, you take away the sins [plural] of the world, have mercy on us.” We ask again, in the Gloria, “Lord, God, Lamb of God, You take away the sin [singular] of the world, have mercy on us.” Finally, we proclaim in the Creed, “We believe in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.” Finally, immediately before communion, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word, and I shall be healed.”
In our most perfect prayer, we are constantly mindful of our sins- both individually and communally. The most important lesson in all this, is that in every instance, we are not reminding ourselves of our sin in our own isolation but rather it is all in the context of prayer and acts of faith. They all come up in the context of our direct dialogue with the Lord, the Lamb of God. Most intimately, our sin is recognized in the immediate anticipation of receiving him most perfectly in the Eucharist. Our sinfulness, then, is most perfectly dealt with out in the open, along side those with whom I am praying and before the Lord who made me and keeps calling to me when I fall away from my relationship with him.
It is essential at this moment in the Spiritual Exercises to come to a profound recognition of my own sinfulness and how it is that it breaks the relationship that the Lord desires to have with me, personally. Having considered the cosmic dimension of sin and how it is that the sin of Adam and Eve and of the angels has had such a destructive and distorting impact on human history, I now turn to my own sinful condition and habits and consider the impact this has on the very real relationship Jesus desires to have with me and how my own sins prevent me from the full enjoyment of the freedom and joy relationship with him makes possible.
The more particular I can be in coming to this recognition, the more particular and concrete will the grace of reconciliation become for me. If I am vague in my recognition of my sin, I am only disposed to receive mercy and forgiveness in a vague manner.
However, this focus on our own sinfulness at this point is not meant to throw us deeper in to the isolation of shame. We are to have a sense of the sadness of being separated from the Lord. So even our sinfulness is meant to be seen in the light of the relationship that the Lord creates us for – with Him.
Questions: What do I miss in my life because of the sin that brings isolation? What relationships are suffering? What does the Lord hope for me when He sees me in the isolation which my sin brings upon me? What new life and love do I seek today? Can I feel disgust and fatigue for the ways that sin has brought me down? Do I want to be free now?
Posted by Fr. Chris Collins, S.J. in VIII.Tepidity: The Habitual Deviation from the Road
February 24, 2010 | VII.Grace: for light to see the disorder of tepidity in my life and to be disgusted by it, to seek forgiveness for it, and the grace to amend it.
Text for Prayer: Matthew 25: 14-46
Reflection: Tepidity is a state of the soul brought on by repeatedly missed opportunities to offer oneself in the service of God our King. Tepidity doesn’t stand out as any one particular instance of sin, rather it creeps up on a person due to carelessness and complacency with small offenses of unholy laziness. The tepid person is sluggish in all that he does, but chiefly in regards to the spiritual life. He shortens his prayers, says them hastily, indulges in distractions and finally gives in to the temptation to be careless in prayer altogether. The tepid person finds himself sluggish in other duties as well, failing to make the connection between his own duties and God’s will. Self indulgence begins to mark the tepid person’s life, losing the habit of self control, mortification, and self-sacrifice for the good of others. While the tepid person may avoid the most obvious sins, we can be sure of the following: If God does not entirely fill our hearts, we will seek to fill it with worldly pleasures. We must see tepidity for the cruel tyrant that it is. We must learn to hate this sin in us that constantly chips away at the spiritual progress that we have made with the help of God in the past. We must remember that our Lord threatens severe punishment for such insincerity in our lives!
Read the book of Revelations 2:4-5 and 3:14-16 for a reminder…
Pray: O my Lord, first I ask for an interior knowledge and hatred of the sins I have committed against Your Divine Majesty. Second, help me to feel the disorder in my life, namely the root causes of my ordinary sins and failures – the lack of right and pure intention, the lack of order, of forethought and self-control, the sloth and overly complacent disposition. Help me to abhor this disorder and to amend my life and live it ever more according to Your will. Third, help me to see and reject the ways and principles of this world, particularly this world’s love of earthly leisure, shortcuts and personal “freedom and independence” that lead me to love myself more than I love You.
Posted by Fr. John Brown, S.J. in VII.Venial Sin
February 23, 2010 | VI.Grace: a growing intense sorrow and, if God so wishes, even tears for my sins.
Text for Prayer: 2 Samuel 11
Reflection: The devil is like a cunning general. If he sees a strongly defended city, he will retreat and reorient his attack. Inspecting the fortifications, he looks for the weak points and tries to exploit them. Perhaps a small attack here, a sortie there, will eventually compromise the strength of the walls and weaken the resolve of the inhabitants to defend themselves. This is a good metaphor for how human beings are led through venial sin toward a total rejection of God’s love through mortal sin. Venial sins are like small cracks in the walls of our defenses which then become gaping cavities.
Venial sin, by definition, damages our relationship with God without destroying it. If mortal sin destroys the grace of our salvation by willfully rejecting God’s offer of salvation, venial sin prepares the path by slowly weakening our trust in God and commitment to the life He offers us. As one Jesuit has explained the matter: “Besides mortal sin, venial sin is the worst thing in the world you can do.”
Today we can pray with story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Sam 11. We know where David’s sin ended: Uriah dead and Bathsheba pregnant with the king’s child. But let’s not forget where David’s disgrace began. Walking upon his roof in the early evening, his gaze fell upon Bathsheba and remained there. Then he had inquiries made about her. He sent for her. His mind plotted. How many small betrayals made his eventual demise possible? At how many points could the process have been reversed? But David carried on with tragic momentum.
Venial sins expose what St. Ignatius calls “undue attachments” to this world. Yes, the world was made by God for His glory and our enjoyment, but always in a measure that is directed back toward God. We are to use the world—but only in the way God wants us to use it. We, however, become unduly attached to elements of this world and grasp them for ourselves. We become like children with a toy, unwilling to relinquish our prized possession. Thus, we cordon off a section of our lives from God’s influence. During the first week of the Spiritual Exercises we want to shed light on these areas of our lives. We want to name them and present them to Jesus who intercedes for us at the right hand of the Father.
Prayer and Questions: Perhaps it will help your meditation upon this text by thinking of David, not in the process of gazing upon Bathsheba, but afterward. See David as he sits alone on his roof, plotting and scheming, wrapped up inside himself. As he builds up walls against God, he allows his walls of protection against evil to crumble. What would you say to David in this moment?
Turn your attention to yourself. What areas of your life have you cordoned off against God? If God were to ask you about some aspect of your life, would your first reaction be “Don’t go there!” What does it feel like to stand before God in my sinfullness? These are difficult questions, but Lent is the perfect time to ask them.
Posted by Fr. Kevin Dyer, S.J. in VI.The First Sin
February 22, 2010 | V.Grace: a deepening awareness of my sins, and remorse and shame for having committed them.
Texts: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/ignatius/exercises.xii.v.html
Reflection:At the depths of Dante’s journey through hell, he did not see fires burning the skins of its woeful inhabitants. No, that would be too trite a metaphor. Rather, the depth of hell is an icy waste, the external counterpart to hearts that have grown cold in love. The stony hearts of hell’s inhabitants have grown as hard as the ice which holds them bound.
The image of the icy bonds of sin will help introduce us to our meditation topic today: the “first sins.” St. Ignatius has us begin the meditation on sin by imagining our souls as held captive by its effects. This is what he calls a “composition of place,” an imaginative rendition of the subject matter of our contemplation designed to attune our affections and thoughts in a single image that can remain within our memory. Having established the tenor of the meditation, we are to ask for the grace we seek: shame and confusion at our cooperation with the ugliness of sin.
The heart of the meditation consists in applying our memory, intellect and will to three primordial sins. First, we consider the heavenly sin of the angels who rebelled against God’s plan and banished themselves to hell as demons. Then, we turn to our earthly history and meditate upon the sin of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, a sin in whose effects we all participate. Third, we consider the sin of a man or woman who has consciously chosen damnation through sin.
The purpose of these meditations is to establish the nature of sin. At the deepest level, sin is a rebellion against the goodness of God. God is all good; so a rebellion against Him is a rebellion against goodness by human beings who are always tempted to think that ultimately, God is just trying to trick them and make them miserable. But look at each of the subjects of these meditations. Who is the miserable one? The one who freely chooses sin. In order to understand why, we should look back at our introductory meditations upon the First Principle and Foundation. The world was created by God out of love. It has a purpose and that purpose leads us more fully toward lasting happiness. Sin purposefully rejects the very thing that is created to lead us toward happiness. It destroys the goodness God created for us. It is self-banishment in icy misery. And we all do it. 
Since sin is a rejection of God, it is a rejection of love. The sinner, therefore, should in some sense be pitied. The sinner is a pitiable figure, and not just because he has been punished. The sinner is pitiable because he has chosen to turn inward and lock himself in his own constricted world instead of turning outward and loving the God who loves him. The sinner has chosen—chosen—the icy bonds of self-absorption and self-pity instead of the love which surpasses all understanding. How sad. How very sad.
Questions: What real life hells have I experienced? How have I created real life hells for myself and others? In what ways do I find myself trapped inside my own world? Do I have a desire for someone to break into my world and rescue me?
Posted by Fr. Kevin Dyer, S.J. in V.Total Praying
February 21, 2010St. Ignatius believes that we human beings pray with our entire selves, body and soul. Nothing is left behind. Mindful of that “nothing left behind” mentality, let’s look at Annotation #5 of the Exercises where St. Ignatius says that we will gain more fruit if we enter into retreats with great “courage and generosity.” Do you often associate the virtues of courage and generosity with retreats? St. Ignatius thinks you should. Risk everything, body and soul, and you will gain everything God offers.
Regarding the body, St. Ignatius says to choose whatever prayer posture and location works best in finding God. Kneel, sit, stand, lie prostrate on the ground—whatever helps prayer become most vivid. Also, do not be afraid to fast and deny yourself (in proper measure) in order to obtain God’s graces. Create a prayer space that matches the subject upon which you are praying. If sin, darken the room and undergo discomfort. If resurrection, place yourself in the most beautiful place you know—anything to enhance the atmosphere of the meditation.
Regarding our interior being, St. Ignatius says to use the “three powers” of the soul: memory, intellect, and will. Each of these three powers has been weakened through sin. By turning their focus upon Christ in the Spiritual Exercises, we are engaged in a process of healing what has been wounded.
First, the memory is used to store up the images, stories, and truths of the Scripture and Tradition of the Church. Consider how many terrible images and lies are stored up in our memories. How can these not have an effect upon our attitude and action? By turning the memory toward the things of God, we are building a new foundation for our future consciousness. Ignatius recommends that we begin our meditation through bringing up the relevant subject matter within our memory. This way, it will gain a deeper hold within us.
Second, we should use our intellects to think about the subject matter of the meditation and learn what truth God is trying to teach us through it. We want to understand what God has revealed to us through Christ and the Church.
Third, we should allow the meditation to affect our wills. At the level of the emotions, the images and truths we contemplate will elicit different responses. This is a level which is somewhat out of our control. But we should nevertheless be conscious of what our emotional responses are to the different meditations. We can then go deeper to the level of our own conscious choices. Is the meditation calling me to make some kind of resolution or change in my life?
Body and soul, we are one human person. Therefore, be generous in offering your entire being in order to know God’s will and accomplish it.
Posted by Fr. Kevin Dyer, S.J. in UncategorizedWeekend Repetitions
February 20, 2010During the course of Lent, the Spiritual Exercises Blog will dedicate weekends to repetitions. Ignatius often recommends that retreatants return to those points where they experienced greater consolation or desolation or greater spiritual understanding in order to dwell on them and obtain some further fruit. Therefore, weekends will be times to look back upon the week and ask “Where did I feel the greatest movements within my soul?” Go back to those moments and pray a bit longer upon them. Or perhaps there was a day when you weren’t able to dedicate much time to a meditation. Now is your chance for some make up time.
Repetitions help us understand the purpose of the Spiritual Exercises. Ignatius says that “it is not much knowledge that fills and satisfies the soul, but the intimate understanding and relish of the truth.” You will probably notice that the subject matter presented during the Exercises is not new, secret knowledge that you have never heard before. Ignatius did not discover a fourth person in the Trinity or the secret history of Mary Magdalene. He presents us with the simple yet profound truths of the Faith and gives us a vehicle by which we can appropriate them in our lives more deeply. Therefore, we might be tempted to say, “Oh, I’ve already heard that before, so I’ll move on.” Of course we’ve already heard of topics like sin or the Incarnation. We may remember the thrill of first encountering some of the truths of the faith. The first encounter, however, is just the doorway to a new world waiting to be explored. The new world is the infinite goodness of God. Let us allow these weekend repetitions to lead us further along that journey.
“When I found your words, I devoured them; they became my joy and the happiness of my heart, Because I bore your name, O LORD, God of hosts.” Jer 15:16
Posted by Fr. Kevin Dyer, S.J. in UncategorizedThe Examination of Conscience
February 19, 2010 | IV.No matter what we do, God will always love us. But sinning is not a matter of whether God loves us. It is a matter of whether we will accept His presence in our lives. As with all relationships, we can choose to let ours with God die. An examination of conscience is an opportunity to assess this relationship and the ways we have hurt or killed it. Looking the relationship over, we can see occasions where it is not what it could be, and with God’s help we can then make it stronger than it was, removing the stumbling blocks that keep us from following God and being as close to Him as we could.
St. Ignatius was aware of all this as he developed the examination of conscience (called the “Examen” for short) that came to be included in the Spiritual Exercises. Ignatius says in the Exercises that the Examen should be prayed twice daily, for a few minutes each time (15 at the most), and at about the same time each day: once around lunchtime and once shortly before going to bed. This practice was so helpful that Ignatius and other early Jesuits usually suggested to people that they continue it even after they left the retreat setting, and Jesuits everywhere are asked to do so as part of their regular spiritual practice.
St. Ignatius includes five “points”, or steps, to go over as one prays the Examen. The first thing is “to give thanks to God our Lord for favors received”. While this step may seem out of place in the Examen, it is important not to skip it. As was said earlier, sin is not about breaking a rule or incurring a debt to be payed later. It is a rupture in a relationship with God. Because our sins only really make sense in the context of our relationship with an infinitely loving God, it is important to begin the prayer by thinking over the numerous ways in which God has shown His love just over the course of a few hours.
Next, St. Ignatius says “to ask for grace to know my sins, and to rid myself of them.” St. Paul says that “we do not know how to pray as we ought” (Rm. 8:26), and the Examen is no exception. In this prayer, we do not one-sidedly take stock of an account, but enter into a conversation with God about our relationship with Him, and where it has not been what it could be.
After this, St. Ignatius says “to demand an account of my soul from the time of rising [or the time of the previous Examen if it is your second of the day] up to the present examination. I should go over one hour after another, one period after another.” As you go over the period, get as concrete and specific as possible. Just saying “I sinned a lot” and leaving it at that isn’t particularly helpful in looking at what is going on between you and God.
Next, St. Ignatius instructs us “to ask pardon of God our Lord for my faults.” Again, remain in the concrete. Look at what you have actually done, what God has given to you, and just how truly one falls short as a loving response to the other. Let the reality of this sink in for a minute or two, and ask God’s forgiveness.
Finally, St. Ignatius asks us “to resolve to amend with the grace of God.” The Examen is not a tool in a self-help program. As far as sin goes, there is no “self-help”. So we have to ask God to give us the grace to reform. Go over what the day will look like until the next Examen with as much detail as you can. What is God calling you to? As you go over each event, ask God to help you respond to that call with total generosity. Then, finish by saying the “Our Father”.
Posted by Fr. John Brown, S.J. in IV.